I’m watching Ms. O and amazed at how fabulous my mother was. Growing up we did so much of this “green” stuff in the name of saving money & good health. I had a garden outside my house growing up and my Father’s Mother (Grandma Carrie) always had fresh veggies to cook with. When it came to school lunches, we never used the brown bags. My mother was a tupperware Diva when we were younger so I recall fondly my little red lunch box with the matching juice cup, sandwich box, and other containers. We didn’t buy snack packs of chips and juice boxes. The juice man would deliver fresh juice to our house once a week (apple, black cherry, pineapple orange, etc) and we would pour some into our juice cup when we prepared our lunch the night before. We grabbed a handful of chips out of the big bag and put them into one of the tupperware containers. It wasn’t about the environment, she just refused to keep buying little brown bags! As a child of course all I wanted was to be like the other kids and have a bag lunch, but I rocked the lunch box for years and now I am so thankful for her stand.

Fast forward to today and guess who has a pink and black lunch box and matching thermos?! I still wash out and re-use my zip lock bags and re-use my plastic utensils! I have a water filter pitcher in my refrigerator and used to have a filter on the faucet because I grew up drinking filtered water (it’s healthier). I HATE buying bottled water b/c it seems like such a waste of money and try my best to remember to put water in a water bottle and taking it one the go!

I normally don’t think about my activities as being green (environment friendly), but I was raised to be money conscience so I guess that is Green! I spend my money on stuff that counts (like shoes and massages)! So on this earth day I have to give props to my mom for being such a progressive woman and unbelievable role model.

In Honor of Barbara L Kennedy (1948 – 1995) the best mother any Diva could ever ask for!

New Divas,Gemini Blaze, Lioness Jade, & December Sun!

What a weekend!  I just completed my First Exoticise Instructor Training in over a year and a half!  This was a brand new format developed out of the reinvention of Exoticise/E-Fitness.  This new format was intense, but quite effective!   It took a lot out of me, physically AND emotionally!

It’s hard to think that just last December I was sure that Exoticise was a done deal.  I was so frustrated with the lack of growth and progress that I was ready to throw in the towel.  I didn’t want to go into another year of hard work with no payoff.  I wanted to stop worrying about money and trying to figure out how to make my mission of empowering women to be fit, fabulous, and financially empowered come true.  It seemed like no matter what I did, I could not get people on board and acting right!

A brief talk with a friend helped me see that stopping Exoticise would be like killing off a piece of myself and I wasn’t ready to do it.  So I took a little time to see what was missing and what I could create to change the direction the company was going in.

What I found was that I needed to take some time to take care of me and to balance my responsibilities with my desires.  I needed to have some fun again!  I needed to relax and not be so consumed by work. I needed to be honest with myself about everything that had happened and what baggage I was carrying after 10 years of businesses that have not produced the results I wanted.

As last weekend approached I found myself distracted and unable to focus.  I honestly could not seem to wrap my head around how to do this.  After some great coaching from my fabulous Diva friends it was clear that my confusion and feeling of being overwhelmed was a result of fear!  I was afraid that this next group of women would betray and use me like so many other business partners/associates had.  Once I got clear about what was in my space, I was able to get in action and do what I do best!

Saturday was awesome, we danced, we talked, we created!  From 9a – 9p we lived in a world where all women are beautiful goddesses just wanted to be released.  I got re-present to ALL the reasons I started Exoticise in the first place and the reason I loved teaching aerobics and dancing in the first place.  These three women each had their own reasons why they where there, but at the same time we shared one overall vision.  It was like a dream!  By Saturday night after 4 hours of dancing and 6 hours of discussion I was exhausted physically, yet my mind was ablaze with possibility!  When I got home and was preparing for Day 2, the universe had more lessons in store!

I needed to finish preparing their completion packets and my technology was not cooperating.  I came home a hopped into the hot tub to give my muscles a little TLC and when I got upstairs to finish printing everything and burning the multi-media pieces I realized: I loaned my DVD burner to my ex-roomie!  It was Saturday night and he was nowhere to be found!  I realized that my new Lap Top could burn DVD’s, but the data was on my old desktop!  What ensued was 3-hours of transferring huge data files and even having to re-format part of my instructional DVD!  On top of that I was so fatigued I was itching and could barely keep my eyes open.  Then my computer started acting up, with programs shutting down, printing errors and more.  Finally I had to call it a night.  I just went to bed and said whatever happens will be fine.

When I woke up early Sunday after 4-hours of sleep for the 2nd night in a row, everything worked.   I  had to give up my perfectionist tendencies when I couldn’t find my custom labels for my DVD’s, but that was a great lesson to learn to.  It doesn’t always have to be perfect to be effective.  Sunday was great, everyone returned energized (although a little sore) and ready to rock!  We completed a wonderful weekend and have exciting plans about what comes next for the group.

As I thought about next steps and talked with the Divas about where we were going I found that fear creeping back up.  A talk with Ms. December Sun helped me get that , what I really had to see that although I was not happy with how any of my prior business experiences went down.  I was really disappointed in myself.  I was beating myself up for not holding these people to account for their actions.  I know that they were not trying to “betray” me and that from their point of view their actions seem quite justified, but at the same time they signed contracts and/or  agreed to do or not to do certain things and if was up to me to hold them to account when they did not  follow through.  I got it and plan to take actions to handle any outstanding monies owed to me and/or obligations not fulfilled.  I am creating myself as a business woman who demands that the people I work with be accountable and who will not hesitate to verbalize my concerns and if necessary, pursue legal actions if they are available to me.  I don’t have to “let it go” and there is no such thing as “to little money to make it worth my while.”  If someone does business with me they need to know that if they do not fulfill on their agreements there are consequences.

I am empowered, excited, and honored to have a new group of Party Divas and friends here in Chicago.  On an even better note, I already have 3 more Divas ready to be trained AND will be expanding to Los Angeles and Atlanta by the end of the summer!  I have to give a special shout out to Thomas, LaKeysha, Tameka, and Colleen, because without their sound advice, generous listening, and belief in me as the fabulous woman I am, I would not be sitting here today writing this entry and looking forward to a future of FUN, FITNESS, FABULOUSNESS, & SATISFACTION!

Today Ms. O had a show about teens and sex, well really about children and sex, but they talked about children as young as 4 years old.  I didn’t watch the whole show because I was busy getting my day started, but I already have plenty of thoughts about this subject.  The expert was promoting teaching children in particular young women and girls to self-pleasure (masturbation) as a means to deter their sexual activity.  I was shocked to hear it not because I don’t agree with it, but because prior to today I have never heard ANYONE in mainstream media advocating for this.

When I started developing my youth program, Transformed Teens, part of the curriculum was health and sex education.  One of the things I wanted to put in for the girls in particular was the concept of how to pleasure themselves so that they understand from a young age that sex and sexual activities are supposed to be something they enjoy and receive pleasure from, NOT something they do to get and/or keep a boy around or that they have to endure until it’s over!

There are so many girls who have sex (oral, vaginal, or anal) for the first time just because they don’t want to lose their boyfriend and/or be unpopular.   These first experiences tend to be painful and less than mutually rewarding.    The boys don’t know what they are doing at that age and simply do not have the skills to please the girl, but at the same time, the girl doesn’t know what she’s doing either!   Fast forward to adulthood, and I meet a HUGE number (not all just a disturbingly large number) of women who do not truly enjoy sex and just do it because they are “expected” to by their boyfriends/ husbands/ dates.  We hear about women hitting their sexual peak in their 30’s as if it’s some sort of physiological phenomena, but I have another theory.  I think that by your 30’s you finally feel bold enough to demand what you want and/or explore and get clear about what you want!  So this sexual peak is not so much biological outside of the fact that maybe we get fed up with being unsatisfied for so many years.

What I took from this show was that by educating young girls and teens about their bodies and empowering them around taking ownership of their sexual satisfaction, they would be less prone to “give it up” to some boy.  I smiled because I have been saying for years how if I had a daughter, I would be proud to buy her her first vibrator!  I would make sure she understands that sex has an outcome and goes along with responsibility for pregnancy, STD’s and emotional well-being, and empower her to satiate her sexual desires without compromising her safety or well-being!

I didn’t have sex as a teen because my mother told me that if I came home pregnant she would kick me out and because my church said that fornication was a sin.  I didn’t want to be homeless and at the time as a born-again Christian I wanted to follow the laws of God.  So I worked hard to keep myself away from temptation.  I avoided boys that I “really” liked b/c I was afraid I would not be able to maintain my wits about me and was always feeling guilty about my desires.  As a liberated woman looking back on that whole experience, while I am grateful I did not get sexually active at a young age, all the fear, shame, confusion, and guilt I could do without.

As I got older, my choice to not have sex was based on maintaining my well-being.  I didn’t want any parts of the stress and drama that I saw so many of my friends going through when it came to their relationships.  I knew I wanted my first time to be with a man who was sweet, tender, skilled, and concerned with me having an enjoyable experience and a I got just that.  My boyfriend at the time ( I was 23) was all that and more and my first time was memorable in a good way!  Since then I have not had that many partners, but by being an educated and empowered woman, I am very clear about what I like and am very communicative with my partners about what pleases me and thoroughly enjoy myself when I do get my groove on. I want every girl  and woman to be able to have that experience  and it’s only possible if she is educated and empowered to be a demand for it!

I can’t say at what age people should have sex, that is a personal experience, however; I am clear that 12, 13, 14 is waaay to young!  At the same time our bodies are designed to hit puberty at that age and our hormones are a driving us to want to be close and intimate with another person.  By teaching our young women  that they do not have to have a boyfriend, that  their sexual desires are natural, that their sexual experiences should be safe and pleasurable, AND encouraging them to pleasure themselves I agree that they will be less prone to have sex just because everyone and/or their boyfriend says they should.

Please note, I am not leaving out the boy’s needs, but historically there has been a double standard when it comes to sex and the genders.   In my youth program we also plan to educate our young men about being gentlemen AND about how to be responsible around sex and intimacy. I know that some of my practices will be considered controversial because I am an advocate for shared sexual experiences without intercourse such as mutual masturbation and manual stimulation, but staunchly adverse to the exchange of bodily fluids (significantly reduces likelihood of pregnancy and STD’s).

I agree with my mom that if you get pregnant it means you are making the choice to be grown because you are now responsible for another life.  Parenting is a choice that should not be made lightly, AND,  I want our youth to have the freedom,carefree experience , and unlimited possibility of being young for as long as possible , so let’s not rush adulthood.   At the same time I am a realist that teenagers are little bundles of hormones walking around hot and horny!  I think by being open and honest with our children about sex, sexual desires, possible consequences of sexual activity, and ways to achieve sexual pleasure while minimizing risk, we will see few teen pregnancies, instances of HIV, and other STD’s, and more positive healthy adult relationships!

So while my new Diva Makeover Program (coming Summer 2009) addresses grown women’s needs around sensuality, sexuality, and being fabulous, I think we need to start when they are young so maybe one day I won’t have any customers!

I read an interesting Blog by a gentleman Darryl E. McCullough and wanted to share my thoughts on this hot topic with you!

He Wrote***

This subject is one that I love to discuss with people. It ranks up there with politics, religion, and abortion! Some people get really hot behind this subject. A while back, I was listening to a syndicated radio talk show, hosted by self proclaimed “The Baddest Man on Radio,” Michael Baisden.

The topic of discussion was “Interracial Dating.” One of the callers, ironically from Detroit, Michigan, made the comment that people who date out of their race are “race traders performing cultural genocide!”

That was a very strong statement and some other callers, who were predominantly black, were not so supportive of this opinion. Despite being rather extreme, I tended to agree with the initial caller, for I am anti-interracial marriage.

To begin, let me make one thing perfectly clear, no one loves white women more than me! I loved the color contrast and have dated them several times, so by far I am not racist! I would rather liken myself to a realist…(read the full original post here>>)

My Comments*****

I took the time to read all the comments here and for me it’s simple. First of all, the “Black” race is a result of Africans, Whites, and/or indigenous peoples mixing it up during the years of slavery and colonialism. So even though people want to claim being bi-racial and all that jazz, they are still black whether they like it or not.

With that said I think Darryl makes a very valid point that most people have chosen to ignore, and that is that most black men who date outside their race are doing so not b/c they love them so much, but b/c of racial stereotypes about black woman and/or women of other races or being “color struck” (buying into the nonsense that lighter, brighter, whiter is better). If that is true, it simply speaks to the fact that we have more healing to do as a nation/world around race.

I am not against interracial dating, but typically prefer black men. If a man of another race stepped to me correctly I would be open to dating them. I will admit that I have some reservations about dating white people in particular b/c of the unique history between our two communities in this country. From my experience when it comes down to it, there are cultural barriers that I do not want to break through in my intimate relationships that I will take on in friendship or business. I just don’t want my man confused about why I only wash my hair once a week or clueless about what I mean by being racially profiled when out shopping.

I am a community activist and racism and racial concerns are a part of my world so part of what I am looking for in my life partner is a man who can empathize and ideally identify with the battles I face in the world so that when I come home I can leave all that at the door and just BE! I’m not saying a white or person of another race could not provide that, but it would really take something to find that guy.

I grew up in a mixed environment and my first best friends were two little white girls who lived down the street. I’m from Detroit a true Chocolate City, but ended up in High School and College in prestigious predominantly white institutions so I have spent a lot of time with non-blacks. What I have found is that I can be friends with ANYONE b/c we are all human beings and have much more in common that we do differences, BUT, as I got older and life got more complex with things like looking getting into college, looking for jobs, driving while black, etc… There were more and more things my white friends would be either clueless about (like why I would use my middle name on my resume vs. my ethnic first name) or rather insensitive about (like claiming I only got into Ivy League schools and/or offered a nice corporate position b/c of affirmative action when my qualifications FAAAAR exceeded theirs). This is real life stuff and if I were to marry or be in a long-term committed relationship with a non-black person, know that he would be one who gets it and gets me, ALL OF ME! I am working towards creating a not a colorblind world b/c not seeing color is to deny all of our wonderful unique histories, but to create a color-accepting world, where we acknowledge and appreciate all people because every color is beautiful not just black!

*******

I am adding that when it comes to black women dating non-blacks, it can be for the same reasons I cited for black men AND as of late, a lot of sistas (like me) are feeling like we need to be more open to dating non-black men because while we may prefer black men, if we truly are committed to finding love and companionship, we may find it outside of our community (check out Sanaa Lathan in “Something New” if you don’t what I’m talking about).

Where do you weigh in?

Here’s what so, people are losing their jobs and our economy is in the tank. At the same time, I contend there is plenty of money out there and plenty of money to be made. The question is how much will you get? In the past two hundred years we have created a country of people who lack the ability, desire, or comprehension of hustling (read entreprenuership). Now in the black community a hustler or to hustle means to deal drugs, but what I mean is doing whatever it takes to handle your business

So you get laid off, now what. You still have bills to pay and in some cases a family to feed. Are you just gonna sit around and feel sorry for yourself and try to live off of unemployment? Unfortunately the answer for many people is a resounding yes! They will look for a job, but in the mean time cc bills aren’t getting paid and/or homes are going into foreclosure.

I was watching Oprah and I got really irritated at one point by these couples breaking up as a result of not having money. This one guy went into a deep depression and just checked out of his life leaving his wife to not only work but to also raise their daughter. Then she decided to leave him and move in with her parents while he went to rent another house alone. WTF?!!

As his life partner she needs to stick with him, and; as a man, no as an adult he needs to suck it up and get on his hustle. I don’t care if you have to cut lawns or wash cars, get your ass out there and do something. I know its hard, really I do. As a self-employed person who has not had the much financial success I know first hand that it can be disheartening and depressing, BUT you have to keep it moving. You can’t just check out for months and months.

I think about my Dad and how he got laid off back in the day (70’s/ early 80’s) and he did all sorts of side jobs and hustles to get the bills paid. Yes we got some government assistance AND he worked hard to make up the difference. Times were tight and there were periods when we went without lights and I remember eating powdered milk, gov’t cheese, and gov’t apple juice, but my parents made it happen..

If you lose your job you can be shocked you can be angry, you can be a lot of things, but being sitting at home playing video games and watching TV will leave you played when that unemployment runs out and it might leave you single.

Direct sales/network marketing is a great way to enter into the world of self-employment.  You have quality products that people actually need and use such as vitamins, make-up, household cleaning supplies, personal care products, etc and you will be trained on how to acquire customers and generate income.  I know it’s not fun AND I know there is a stigma attached to things like Mary Kay and AMWAY, but in reality in times like these it is an option to consider!

I am self-employed with Exoticise and I am Mary Kay and First Fitness Consultant.  I teach women the art of Exotic Dance and have products for beauty, weightloss and nutrition for sale.  It works when I work it, the key is working it.

Finally, if your friends and family are sales consultants for these kinds of companies, SUPPORT THEM!  Be their customers!  Don’t ask for the hookup or a discount!  People are trying to pay their bills just like you!

Just my thoughts on this subject.  What do you think?