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Oct 09

Kicked out of “Wife School!”

nowedding

No Wife Certificate for me.

On this journey to embrace my Divine Feminine and assist other women in doing the same, I look into a lot of resources for personal development, confident referrals, and partnerships.  I have no problem sharing that while #teamfabulous has a lot of expertise, we don’t know EVERYTHING!  My biggest commitment is living a life I love, and living in integrity, that means when I encounter something I don’t know, I seek out information and/or education, and only incorporate it IF it’s in alignment with my Spirit.

With that said, one of the areas I am looking to transform is my history of being told I am beautiful, sexy, kind, loving, nurturing, and a “wife” type,  yet still finding myself single and without children! ARGH!!  It seems like something was missing in me connecting with a man who  proposed, who I could be a yes to marrying (I’ve received a couple of proposals, but they were unacceptable), so I began examining my past relationships AND looking for assistance in the world of dating and mating.  This journey led me check out an organization called the “Institute of Feminine Grace,” (IFG) and a program called “Wife School,” where one could become a “certified wife” (CW).

First, I followed the leader of this movement for a couple years via Facebook.  I’ll be honest some of what she would share seemed a bit wacky, but a lot of it made sense to me based on how I was raised AND what I was encountering in the world of dating.  Earlier this year I invested in her book “Man Leads” to get a better idea of what she was promoting beyond social media posts.  It was an “interesting” read to say the least.  She gives a lot of straight forward recommendations about what men and women should do to ensure successful marriages and generational greatness (sounds great right?). She also shared that there were matchmaking services available for CWs with Certified Husbands (CH).  Again a lot of it made sense, and some of it seemed a bit far out, but I tend to keep and open mind.

Man Leads...: woman follows, Everyone wins.

For example, she is adamant that women should not work outside the home.  She puts forth that being a wife and mother is a full-time “job” and to work outside the home, means that the home, husband, and children will suffer.  This is actually something I believe in…to a degree.  Like the leader of the program and author of the book Ro Elori Cutno, I have been be a researcher of community and relationships for years, and YES taking care of a home is a FULL-TIME responsibility.  I,however;  am not hard core that women have to do it all.  I am a strong advocate that IF a woman is working outside the home, then the household responsibilities have to be shared between all working adults and/or outsourced.  The idea of going to work AND then coming home to be the primary caretaker is a recipe for burnout and marital dissatisfaction on multiple levels.  Her solution is ONE that could work, but NOT THE ONLY solution for a clear and responsible division of domestic responsibilities.

Regardless, I’m not one to get bogged down in details, and I believe that IF what one is currently doing is not getting the desired results, it only makes sense to try something different.  With that in mind, I made plans to take the course when my schedule and budget permitted.  My thoughts were that at best, I would find out some great information that could help me FINALLY manifest my beloved AND secure another resource for the women I assist, and at worst, I could eliminate this possibility as the solution to my problem OR a resource for those I coach.

Due to an unexpected break in my schedule I was able to take the September 3 edition of Wife School.  Let me tell you there was some INVALUABLE INFORMATION SHARED!  No matter how you may THINK you feel about what Ro is promoting, she has done her homework.  Upon completion of the course, I moved into the next phase of the program.  This is where things got a little sticky for me.

I am going to honor my non-disclosure agreement so not too many details, but here is what I will share.  The brand of femininity that is being promoted in the group is not aligned with who I know myself to be at my core, or what Spirit has shared with me to unlock in others.  It reminds me of the difference between Religion and Spirituality.  I grew up in church and used to be VERY RELIGIOUS.  To me, religion is characterized by rigidity, a lot rules, and long lists of dos and dont’s.  Spirituality on the other hand is more about principles and is a lot more fluid.  When I very young in my spiritual walk, ALL the rules of religion were useful to help me stay inline, BUT did not help me BE spiritual.  As I deepened my understanding of spiritual laws and the teachings of Jesus Christ and other spiritual masters, it became less about following a bunch of rules, and more about a space and a philosophy to live from.  What I found in my experience of becoming a CW, there was a lot DOING femininity but less emphasis on BEING feminine.  I grew up with lots of rules and regulations about being “ladylike,” and I am sooo grateful for my mother for instilling that foundational information in me.  However having taken on a pursuit of what it means to BE Feminine and get in touch with my Divine Feminine energy, I know it goes beyond acting ONE way.   Therefore I asked deep and probing questions, in Wife School, not to be argumentative or disruptive, but to gain deeper understanding.  I was removed from the private group for asking to many questions, and speaking my mind, instead of following the rules without question.  It truly reminded me of what often got me into trouble with my old pastors and ministers LOL.

What I know is that human beings, men and women, have Divine Masculine and Feminine energy.  In order to be healthy whole and balanced, we have to the freedom to express all aspects of being in the appropriate time and place.  In the Diva Makeover, I teach/coach on becoming fluid in the four Dimensions of the Divine Feminine (Flirt, Vixen, Diva, Goddess) and there are complementary aspects of the Divine Masculine (Esquire, Artist, Warrior, Scholar) for men.  Any program that does not train and encourage people to  become proficient in the full spectrum of being is not ideal for overall well-being.  dimensionsofbeing
Ultimately, I don’t know IF the Roots of Royals/Institute of Feminine Grace program goes deeper and/or ultimately allows their followers to be fully self-expressed because I was removed for being to “aggressive.”  I can say that yes it does provide a blueprint for a way to structure relationships and that IF a person wants to follow a rigid rule structure, YES your relationship would probably last, but I can’t speak to how much you would enjoy it LOL.  We all know ourselves and our limits. The Diva and Goddess in me are able to rotely follow instructions that are out of integrity with my being, or me to be gamed for cash so I was put out for not going with the program.  It should be noted, men and women are finding engagements and marriages out of participation in this program, so if one’s ultimate goal is to get and stay married, at any cost (including your full self-expression) this group and their movement could work for you.

As for me, after I got past my hurt feelings and shock from the treatment I received from the group and went into meditation and reflection, I am left with that fact that I am NOT an argumentative aggressive woman.  I am not going to pretend to be a meek, weak, or incapable.  I am also not a strong, independent, “I don’t need a man” woman.  Operating in extremes is NEVER a good idea.  I am an intelligent, capable, woman who is clear she needs to be interdependent to live a full vibrant life.  I want a life partner/husband and community in order to thrive in life and have the family I desire.  Wife School, Roots of Royals, and the Institute of Feminine Grace was not the path for me,  and based on what I know I cannot in good conscious recommend it to others who say they want to be balanced and self-expressed.   What I can/will do is continue to honor who I am and who I was created to be and teach others to do the same.  Ladies we do not have to shrink ourselves to find love and companionship.

Ladies we do not have to shrink ourselves to find love and companionship.

Loving and living your authentic self is at the CORE of being fit, fabulous, satisfied, and living a life you love!  The journey continues.

Be Well & Stay Fabulous!

coachkania-trans

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