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Sep 10

Online Dating: Milk in My Coffee?

“Could this be me?”-Photo Courtesy of Dreamstime

I’m about a month into this online dating thing and it’s . . . interesting.  I started out with the creation of the profile and now on the sorting process.  Combing through emails, winks, and yes even going out on dates.  So far I’ve had 2 meet & greets and one cancellation.  I also met a fellow on a recent flight home and went out with him too.  While it doesn’t count as online dating that was interesting as well LOL.

In my last entry I was complaining that I wasn’t getting the kind of responses I hoped for from this site I am on and I can’t say a lot has changed numbers-wise.  The thing is, I am changing myself AND my perspective on meeting men via the internet.  I am choosing to see these sites an opportunities vs last-resorts LOL.  I say it is POSSIBLE that I will encounter Mr. Extraordinary via electronic means, AND have fun in the meantime.  I am no longer doing it (online dating) because I feel I “should” or I “have no other choice.”

Seeing as I was never into dating for sport and always been looking for a special person with whom to be in a relationship, the first thing I had to do was change my perspective on dating.   There are so many things I am into, that juggling lots of men and going out on lots of dates seemed like NOT the best use of my time.  I got no ego-boost thrill from having lots of men calling me and asking out.  I just want a cool guy to kick it with, who I find attractive, and who treats me the way I want to be treated.  Unlike some women I know, getting a free meal, and/or having a bunch of men chasing after me  is not my idea of a good time LOL.

What  I wasn’t clear about is that in order to find that guy, I have to be open or rather I should say that while I understood it intellectually, that I was not actively BEING open. I am now being  a YES when men ask me out/pay me attention. I am willing to at least meet them and even give them a few dates to catch my interest.  So that means I am devoting some time to dating, AND not being irritated by it.   So I am going through the process of reading profiles, and emails, and even browsing through profiles and initiating communication with potentials with the intention of going on dates, lots of dates, with ALL kinds of men.

When I say ALL kinds of men I mean I am HONESTLY going to try my hand dating a non-man-of color.  My racial preferences have been for men who are Black/African American/Latino/Hispanic, but I am going to take the Skittles approach to dating and taste the Rainbow!   I have had non-Black crushes before including an Asian dude, a couple of Latino guys, and Yes even a couple White guys so its not impossible for me to connect with a White guy.  Given that most of the profiles that seem to match me selection criteria are non-Black/Latino, it seems my odds would be better if I have more to choose from, so I’m going ALL in.  If can lower my ideal height by 2 inches, why not my racial preferences?    So far it has started with me switching off race (Black/African American or Latino/Hispanic)as  a “must-have” on my profile and with me being a “Maybe” to some of the suggested profiles.  I guess next it would be actually responding in the affirmative to a White guy who seems moderately attractive  when he reaches out or with me sending some flirts/messages out to some White Guys and then seeing what happens next.  I said I was being open so this is me being REALLY open LOL.

As for my adventures in meeting online men offline so far.  Right now there are no clear front-runners in the race for my heart, but the experience has been pleasant.  No one creeped me out or did anything weird when I met them.  I do have some commentary on the “interview” process some of these men have been employing, but that will be another post.  Overall it has been nice to meet some new people.  I did have some tasty food, and given the follow up calls/texts from one of them, it is nice know that someone nice is interested in me.  Seeing as I wasn’t really feeling anyone upon our first meeting I was pondering whether or not its wrong for me to keep talking to a guy who seems smitten with me even though I am not feeling him.   My informal rule is to give a man three (3) dates to catch my interest before I have “the talk,” and as of now, under the umbrella of being open, I’m going to stick with it.    Stay tuned for  updates.

Read More at VirtuousVixen.com

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