The Diva Makeover has two parts: Diva Detox and Divatude Coaching.  The thing about detoxing on this level, is that its more than just taking some supplements, eating raw, and drinking lots of water. We call it a makeover because its about all of you not just the inside of your colon.  The Diva Detox takes on detoxifying 4  MAJOR BODY SYSTEMS (Respiratory, circulatory, digestive, lymphatic)

My intention was to put rigor into my life (sticking to my schedule and meeting my goals) as well as clear out my system.

The rigor is in there, I have been taking the supplements, not eating the restricted foods, and sticking to the plan YAY!  However the clearing my system is not going so well   It didn”t make any sense  because I am taking the supplements and drinking water and “doing” everything right, but the reason my system gets sluggish in the first place has nothing to do with what I eat and EVERYTHING to do with my emotional state.

In meditation, it has been revealed to me that I need to stop hold shit in and say what’s on my mind…to EVERYONE.   Sheesh!  That’s scary to me because I have laser insight and sometimes the truth can hurt!  I am clear however, that it doesn’t serve ANYONE for me to keep all that good stuff to myself and I am in fact hurting myself by keeping all this shit inside.

Now this isn’t license to just run around reading people or telling people off, but sometimes the spirit will convict me to say things, or people will even ask me for my opinion and I just hold back.  That is all over for me!  There are a couple of tough conversations I need to have with people close to me, and I am going to go there.

It’s tough because this is life-changing and my fear is that if I take this stand, it could mean some harsh words and a lot of hurt .  I  my family, but at the end the day, I love myself more!  I will be totally straight about this request for organ donation;  my fears, concerns, and conditions.  In reality I don’t know what they will say, so instead of speculating and continuing to worry myself to death about it, I am going to step out there and see what will happen in real life.  I have to be honest, I am scared, but the thing about being A Diva, is that I act in the face of fear.
Stay tuned for updates!

What I like about skiing is the exhilaration, of it!  The wind whipping by, the serenity of riding the ski lift and gazing upon the beauty of nature.  The adrenaline rush of taking on a new level of skiing as I seek to master this sport!  It’s all fantastic and scary at the same time.

This year I decided to take on snowboarding.  The last time I tried was in 2004 and I got the wind knocked out of me.  At the time I vowed to conquer the board and even went out an bought one to prove it.  For the past 6 years that snowboard has sat in its bag still in the plastic wrap with no bindings!  This year I vowed to break through fear and  challenge myself to go the next level.  So I took the board to the pro shop and got it hooked up!

Then I actually had to go over the bunny hill and try to figure out how to get down the mountain with both feet strapped to a skinny board!  It was a humbling experience to say the least.  Here I am an experienced skier, ready to take on Black Diamonds (finally) and I can’t even make it down the bunny slopes without falling  a million times!  The thing is like anything in life you have to crawl before you can walk.  I got great tips and advice from other beginners and even though I spent all Saturday falling down, but by 5:30p I made it down the bunny slopes successfully before I went in for dinner!

I woke up sore as hell on Sunday ready to call it quits and strap on my ski blades so I could be a superstar and “look good,”  but I didn’t.  I am so proud of myself for honoring my word and sticking with the board another day.  I even took myself up on the chair lift where I proceeded to bust my a$$ over and over again each time I dismounted and then fell down the mountain!  Let’s not mention how scared I was to even get going (check out the video)!

However being A Diva is all about honoring your word and being willing to move past the fear and conquer the learning curve so that you can expand, grow, and become event more phenomenal!  So I stuck with it and fall after fall I started to get more comfortable with board.    By midday, I was able to stay up and even when I did fall, get up quickly and keep it moving!  So I finally made it down the mountain and feel that I understand the basics of snowboarding.  I plan to take a few day trips the rest of the season to add to my skillset and by next year, I will be FABULOUS!

I also honored my pact with The Steak and Rapture to knock out the Black Diamonds on our ski blades!  Yes I wiped out a couple of times, and had to take it REAL slow on a couple of runs, but I did all the ones that were open before heading in to cook some killer Chili for the crew!  I arrived back home sore, bruised, and exhausted but most of I all I know myself to be a woman who takes on life, doesn’t give up, and keeps her word!  I feel like a million bucks.  I give mad props to the inner circle who were so patient and encouraging to me and my buddies Lioness Jade & Peppy Leopard.  They stayed with us on the beginner slopes and cheered us on even though they could have gone off and hit the blues & blacks!  I love having such an awesome support network and am grateful that we were all able to get together for this trip (we hadn’t been together since July!)

As for all the people who flaked out on this trip at the last minute or were just plain wack as we planned, promoted, and prepared, you missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime and know that if  you only stick to what you know, you will never grow, and that means you will never be anywhere but where you are now.  If you are happy with your life exactly as it is, awesome, but most of you know that you want things to change.  You have to be willing to take on the unknown, face your fears, look a little silly while you learn, and trust that its all worth it in the end.  I have been laughing all day at the video footage from the trip and I know that next year and every year after as I get better it will be worth the sore muscles and bruised ego!

Divine Ms O!

1/11/2010

That was one of the questions he asks me during our 2.5 hour dinner meeting.   I pause for a minute before answer because in my mind I think I know where he is going with this, but I choose to answer honestly because you never really know what anyone is going to say until they say it.

“Yes” I say, “and let me clarify.  I admire Oprah because she has accomplished so much and gives so much to the world.  I love her as a human being.  I am inspired by her to know that no matter where you come from and what “they” may say about you, you can do “it”!”

He contemplates a moment as says “Do you think she has helped women?”  I laugh internally, because as deep as he is, I can clearly see the trend of the conversation, but the beauty of speaking with such a wonderfully complex and confident person, is that you can  actually dialogue and not worry about them getting upset or offended.

“Yes, and not just women.  I can’t say that I am a watcher of the Oprah Winfrey show on a regular basis.    Who she is for me has little to do with her talk show of the last 25 years.  At the same time, with that show,  she has brought to the world “THE SECRET,” Ilyanla Vanzant, , Marianne Williamson, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and Eckhart Tolle.  I don’t know that any of those people are women specific, but they certainly have made a difference for lots of women around the world.”

Then he shifts the conversation into a discussion about how people like Oprah, Bill Cosby and other wildly successful Black people could do more than just give money/scholarships and actually start teaching the skills that helped them get to where they are.  Traditional education does not train people to fulfill upon their dreams and beat the odds so “going to college” and “getting an education” are not really solutions the problems in our community.

I totally agree with him, and point out that sometimes people are not even clear how they got to a point, if they do not know, how can they teach anyone else?

Now that I think about, I actually feel like Oprah has done an awesome job of sharing what it takes to fulfill upon your dream.  The teachings of Ilyanla, Marianne, & Eckhart have been priceless to me (cont’d 1/19/2010) as I move forward on my personal path.  The secret to success is out there, but the question is are we seeking the knowledge and are we willing to do what it takes to get it.  No she has not created the “Oprah Winfrey  Guide to Becoming a Billionairess”, but what she has done is share in an open forum her  personal journey.

He says “Do you think she speaks to you as a black woman?” and goes on to ask “Why did she build a school in African and not one in the US?”  He goes on to say that there are plenty of black children here who could use a school, and that she has not dealt with her childhood issues from her rape and other incidents, therefore; she is not helping the black community, and keeps putting up with Stedman’s bullsh*t.

I told I him agree that Oprah has unresolved emotional issues. It’s apparent because she is still struggling with her weight.  The thing is its only a sign that she is not perfect and still a work in progress.  It may very well be that she still has healing to do with the Black American community, and if that is true, it seems to me she is on the right path.

Although I didn’t go there during our conversation I have to add that there is no guarantee that she will work through it all, and I can’t speak to her relationship with Stedman because I don’t follow it, but as far as I know she just hasn’t married him (Not every woman wants the designation “Wife” it is a loaded word and it may be easier to keep the title “companion” or “lover”  and avoid drama of perceived gender roles -more on this topic later).  Emotional healing is challenging and I applaud her for taking on herself and making a difference in the world.

Our conversation took several other twists and turns and between the radio show (Moscato Mondays) and this blog I will touch on more, but YES I do love Oprah! I admire  her and am grateful for all that she has brought to the world.  I am happy that she is moving on to the next phase of her life and ending the show.  I do enjoy the show AND I am happy that she starting her own network!

As it relates to her and the Black community,  her contributions to the world, may not look exactly how we (or at least some Black people) think it should, but not to acknowledge her as a contribution to the world and the black community doesn’t work for me.  You go Girl!

I am A(fro) Diva, but it has taken. A LOT to get me here.. Luckily I have kept journals so I have a chronicle of the journey and in the next few months it will be compiled to a book!

Don’t worry, the innocent will be protected!

This is exciting

What are You up to?

I am up to creating a phenomenal life and making a difference in the world!  Everything I do is about realizing my end game, a life that I love to life everyday.  The fun is in the journey and this journey is truly a trip!

Living into such an inspiring future can be a bit over-whelming, my blog chronicles the journey with all its twists, turns, valleys and peaks and the rest of my website serves a a resource for anyone interested in joining me as a client, partner, or friend!  Visit my site often to get updates on what’s new!

END GAME

Romance: I have a Loving, Exciting, Supportive, Passionate, Sexy, Satisfying, Romantic Marriage with a Tall, Handsome, Interesting, Spiritual, Wealthy, Community Minded, Ambitious, Accomplished Man!

Career:  I have a prosperous, profitable company that is empowering women financially, emotionally, physically, and bringing balance to the world with femininity.

I am an award-winning author, motivational speaker, and life-coaching helping men and women live lives that inspire and fulfill them.

Family: I have 2 Biological children (1 Boy & 1 Girl) and 2 – 5 adopted children who are loved, well-behaved, smart, successful, HAPPY, respectful, spiritual, passionate, and UNSTOPPABLE!

Community: I have an Effective Community Organization that is postively transforming the psyche of the Black Community through education and empowerment.

Life, Health & Well-Being: I live a long-life, with great health, awesome friends, peace of mind, love, strength (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), beauty (Internal & external), fitness, grace, humility, confidence, prosperty, adventure, and PASSION!

If you want to create an End Game that not only inspires you, but helps guide your daily decisions to create a live that you love, consider becoming one of my coaching clients.  I am taking on 3 New Coaching Clients for January 2010 FREE OF CHARGE, if you want to be one of the lucky ones, contact me ASAP!

The work I do is self-explanatory.  Women deserve to be treated well and we make it possible.  Do yourself a favor and get your ticket ASAP! www.MyPamperMan.com

I’m not the woman who always has to be in a relationship. I pick a coose my men carefully. This one particular. Man captured my heart years ago and it was time for him either give his in return or for me to take mine back.

A I entered in my 10 wk emational detox (check me out on Diva Dance Radio each monday for more info) I created the intention of being fully open to love. In setting that I got clear that I wasn’t open and receiving love b/c my heart was already committed.

As I drove back after a 2-day emotional rollercoaster I went through several spaces. First I couldn’t stop crying. As we hugged goodbye it hit me this could be it, the end of an era and the beginning of new love for me. I was preentt to just how much I love him AND what not being with him has cost me in life. So as I’m driving home my fir st hour is tear-filled and it doesn’t help that the radio is playing a bunch of sappy love songs

.Then as I stopped resisting the tears I started feeling better. I know that love is mine and all I have to do is accept it. By being willing to relaese him I am making space for my passionate, fun, adventurous, romantic properous partnership! That is exciting! I am actually going to have a man who cherishes, adores, & respects me! I can hardly wait to have him around all the time. My life will be radically different.

The spark that got me on thr road and in action was realizing that this is it! My life is now. I have 2 stop putting me off and focus just as much on me as I do other and my business!

If you haven’t picked up a copy of The Presence Process, hurry it will change ypur life!

Ii don’t know what will happen with dude, but I know that I have no regrets & am ready for my future to unfold

I pride myself on not being competitive.  I never have been.  I don’t think I was raised that way, but maybe its just who I am.  My sister is competitive so maybe I just don’t have the gene in me or something.  When I was in school and played sports I didn’t care about winning or losing, I just wanted to play and play well.  I remember playing basketball (not very well) and just not caring that much about the final score.   Instead I would set personal goals for myself around rebounding or not missing passes!

Now in my business, I stay aware of what similar businesses are doing but not in an effort to beat them.  I want to know what works and see if any of their strategies will assist me in meeting my goals.  I’m wonder if this competitive edge is something that could help me Win my game.  Could it be that if I was more concerned about beating them that I would do better?

It could be, but I also remember when I ran track (I was great at that)  my focus during the race would be internal.  I would focus on breathing and pushing myself and my muscles to the limit.   I would be fixated on my end goal be it the finish line, the  next hurdle, or the bar (I used to high jump) and what I needed to do to get there as fast as possible or get my body over it!  I typically didn’t worry about who was next to me in front of me or coming up behind me.  I always just did my best and however that turned out was it.

More often than not, I won or placed very high, but even if I was first I just took it as a sign that this was a category I excelled in.  I was great at the high jump and 200m, but the 100 was not my thing.  My coach wanted me to take on the 400m, but my body had other ideas.

I don’t know, is it possible for me to win my game of the positive transformation of the psyche of the African American community if I am not competing with others?  I feel in my heart that it is and I am going to be true to my self.  I don’t think shifting my focus to what other people are doing and measuring my success against it will serve me.

Now that I think about it, they may not be playing the same game.  Just because I teach Pole Dancing and so does another Diva, it doesn’t mean that her commitment is to empower women to be strong and graceful, she may have another mission.  When I hear stories about how my instructors are impacting women’s lives and improving their relationships with themselves and their honey’s I am elated.  That is the game I am playing and if I stay focused on that I will win.

My competitive edge comes from pushing myself, my body, my mind to the limit and not being distracted by what’s going on around me.

Dude A calls her last night, she was napping and didn’t realize it was after 11p.  Dude A asks if it is okay to call her at that time, she says yes.  As she wakes up she is trying to share with Dude A about the event and answer any questions he may have about the event.  Dude A on the other hand is asking her about her Halloween costume (from a picture she has on Facebook).  Then he’s asking her can he come over to see her!  Needless to say she ended the call and NO Dude A is not coming for a visit.

Dude B calls today and she’s sharing with him about the upcoming event.  Like Dude A, Dude B is more interested in her than in the event.  He also is trying to “come over.”  She explains that she’s not comfortable with having strangers to her home but could be open to meeting somewhere for a Date.  Dude B goes on to say that we’re in a recession so he doesn’t believe in wasting his money on dating and only takes out his “woman.”  She asks how does one become his “woman.” If he doesn’t date.  He says he spends “quality time” with them at his or their homes first and then if things work out they’ll go out and he’ll spend money.  He also shares that he doesn’t date women who live far away b/c he doesn’t want to waste gas money!  He says that women who require men to take them out are “uppity” and that women who voice a safety concern about having strange men in their home are “paranoid.”

As she is sharing this with me, we are alternating between outrage and uncontrollable laughter!  She said she just kept engaging him to find out more about what he was thinking.  He said he was on the “Residential Tip” nowadays!

GENTLEMEN

All jokes aside, fellas that is simply not cool.  I want you to take a moment and put yourself in our shoes.  Think about your sisters and daughters and ask yourself would you really want your daughter or Sister entertaining men she met off of Facebook or even in the street in her home with no one else around?

YOU know that YOU are not crazy and that YOU would never do anything to hurt a young lady you were seeing, but what about all the men who DO?   Everyday in the news we hear about women being raped, killed, beaten, and kidnapped.  Consider that when we first meet you WE DON”T KNOW IF YOU ARE A CRAZY OR NOT!  That is why we go out on dates!  We (women) have to ascertain if you are a crazy or sane one so we can relax and then invite you into our personal space for “quality time.”   Stop being insulted and indignant when we suggest that we meet somewhere for our first date vs. having you come pick us up from our homes.   We are not being “uppity, scary, or paranoid” we are being SMART.

If you want to date a dumb and or crazy girl, guaranteed to cause you a lot of drama, heartache, and stress,  please continue to spend “quality time” with women who trust you without taking the time to  date you.  However if you truly want to be in a relationship or just spend some fun time  with a well-balanced, sane, loving woman, DATE WOMEN WHO PRACTICE BASIC SAFETY WHEN MEETING NEW MEN.

• Does not divulge her home address early on
• Requests to meet you somewhere for the first couple of dates before allowing you to pick her up from her home
• Suggests a first meeting in a public well-lite location, especially for women you meet online

I realize, there are a lot of crazy women out here and that is has become difficult for you nice guys to weed out the crzy women from the fabulous ones (like me and my sister) so I am sharing this little tidbit from my upcoming book to help you out! (You can thank me later by purchasing a copy or attending a seminar)

As for the financial logic of “times are tough so why waste money on bad dates,”  get creative!  Dates do not have to be expensive.  You can meet at a Bookstore for coffee and conversation!  It meets all the criteria: well-lite, public, and could be somewhere in between where each of you live so you don’t have to drive far! You can go to the museum and learn something new while getting to know each other!  During the warm months, go for  a walk and get some ice cream (More free golden nuggets of dating fabulousness for you)!

LADIES

Divas, if a man steps to you with some wack game like Dude A & Dude B:

• calling at an unreasonable hour for your first conversation (after 9:00p)
• trying to get into your home on the first couple of dates
• making lascivious comments about your body (sexy Halloween costume or not)

RUN don’t walk away from this fellow.  He is showing you upfront that he does not understand how to treat a woman and will only get crazier as time progresses.

Stay tuned for more Dating tips from A Diva and the upcoming book & seminar series!

Men have said that it’s hard to discern quality women from the fluff.  However, what I really think is going on is that men don’t want to face the reality about women and relationships because it would require them to make some major adjustments.

I am reminded of a conversation I had on this subject.  During the first one, I  had just finished checking this guy who kept trying to get me to come over and watch DVD’s at his home or get himself invited to mine.  We had met once for drinks and gone to the show once.  We would talk on the phone and text, but never go on dates.    After telling him no politely several times and suggesting that we make plans to go out instead, he finally “goes off” about how he is not going to be used for “free dinners!”  I am taken aback and explain that I have no need to hustle “free dinners” out of men as I am gainfully employed, an awesome cook, and have been well feed all my life!  I go on to say that a date does not have mean dinner, and can be as inexpensive as getting coffee at Starbuck’s, going to the bookstore, or getting ice cream and going for a walk.  I said as a respectable woman who was raised to be safe, I am not going to some man’s home to “watch” movies when I just met him a couple of weeks prior, nor am I inviting a stranger into my home for “alone time”!

He’s like, “Well I’m just trying to protect myself from being used and weeding out the gold-diggers and hoes from the nice girls.”  He says, “It’s hard for men tell because a lot of women front, so sometimes I make inappropriate suggestions to see if women go for it as a “test.”  I’m like, “Do you realize that by making these suggestions you are turning off the quality women too?”  I tell dude, that in my mind he has been put on the sleaze bag list and I had no plans to continue talking to him b/c it seems to me that all he was interested in was getting some tail.  I am weeding through crazies to find a good man and that his reluctance to take me on proper dates and attempts to get me alone so early on in the getting to know you process identifies him as someone without “long-term” potential.  I advised him to come up with a better process.  I’m gonna put some thought into this one and come out with a guide on how to find a quality woman, but first I have to point a few things I think are obvious!

As for the gold-diggers of the world.  If your trump card in courting a woman is the fact that you have money and not your sparking personality, don’t act surprised when you continually attract gold-diggers!  If you tend to go after women who are always perfectly coiffed and wearing designer clothes from head to toe WITHOUT a personal income to keep her that way, ASSUME SHE IS ABOUT MEN WITH MONEY!  Yes I am sure she looks hott and is very skilled at getting your attention.  She has put a lot of work into her image and skill at attracting men to her.    I do not have a problem with gold-diggers, its a hustle.  Consider that women just like men are driven to survive.  Either we are going to provide for ourselves by working  or we are going to look for someone else (a man or society) to take care of us!

However consider that all gold-diggers (defined as woman looking for men to provide for them)  aren’t going for the ultra-wealthy.  They may be just looking for someone to keep them in a comfortable middle-class lifestyle.  Women who are willing to be homemakers could be defined as gold-diggers because if she is not going to work she has to take into account your ability to provide for her when choosing a man.    So fellas, just because a woman has a job doesn’t mean she wants to work and/or support herself.  A lot of women are simply putting in time at a job until she can find a man to take over the responsibility.    If I was truly committed to not having to work and wanted to have a nice lifestyle I would get an okay job so I could keep myself looking fabulous, but would be out there dating and doing all that I could to snag a husband.   So if you don’t want to be with a gold-digger or if you do not want to be with a woman who is very concerned with how much money you make and whether or not you are willing to spend it on her, I suggest you court and date women who are passionate about their career and have no desire to quit their job and be at home.  If you want a wife who stays at home and takes care of you and the children, then stop complaining about women who want to be taken out on dates, ask what you do for a living,  and ask you for money, she is just doing her due diligence to make sure you can and will take care of her and provide her with the type of lifestyle she wants for herself!

Fellas you have to CHOOSE to look past the pretty package and start asking the kind of questions that let you know about a woman’s character, true essence, and end game.   Then you have to be realistic about what you find and act accordingly.      If you want holly homemaker, be prepared to pay the cost to have a woman at home taking care of you and your household.  If you want don’t want to take on all that responsibility, find a woman who doesn’t mind working (OMG she may be one of those professional high-achieving women men have been complaining about!).     Keep in mind that if she is passionate about her work all of her attention may not be focused on  you AND you just may have to pitch in with household duties and/or get okay with hiring help (house keeper, nanny, cook, etc).

Gentlemen I urge you to either evolve or man-up and be traditional. The new Diva who contributes financially to the household  makes it easier on you,  is going to need/demand assistance if you want her to maintain her sexy AND have time to devote to you.  She is not lazy or less of a woman b/c she does not want to work a full-time job AND take care of home.  I know a lot of your mother’s did it AND if you ask most of your mother’s if they felt that had a choice they WOULD NOT do it like that.  Single mothers especially, when being honest will tell you that it was hard and they were not happy and that they would have killed for help with housekeeping and childcare.  If you want to be traditional and take on the responsibility of being the sole provider, be prepared to take on everything that comes along with that (be prepared to hand over your money) and STOP COMPLAINING!

It’s time to men to evolve.  That is the only way things are going to get better with our relationships and families!  I don’t know what’s going to happen with Khloe and Lamar, but when a man pops the question to a notorious party girl after a month of dating I don’t think the odds are in their favor for a long-term happy marriage!