I was sharing with a friend the story of how my beloved is not ready to choose bliss (life with me and/or following his heart) and he (the friend) made an interesting comment that has stayed with me all week.

He said I was the last person my beloved should listen to regarding the direction of his life! I asked why and my friend said I had “ulterior motives”

I bring this up b/c the universe just blessed me with a new relationship model to share with the world. In this model one of your roles is to support, encourage & assist your partner in finding/ pursuing their life’s purpose.

No where on this model do you give them bad advice just because it would suit your wants/ needs/ desires.

Real love is not selfish. Real love is self less. When I broke up with my beloved. 10 years ago I was selfish & young. I was afraid he would hurt me so I ended things before he had the opportunity to do me wrong. I didn’t think about how it would affect him.

When we hooked up again (as friends) years later and his job offered him a position out of the country, I encouraged him to go even though it broke my heart to watch him leave. By that time I had grown up enough to understand that it wasn’t about me and what I wanted.

In the four years since I have had to learn that love is also unreasonable and that real love doesn’t fade. Now that he is at a crossroads in his life where once again he is being presented the opportunity to follow is heart (bliss) or continue to follow the world (hell) I see that love wants me to be his friend and champion EVENTHOUGH he is engaged to and having a baby with another woman!

Love says I will send you another beloved, but he needs you to support and encourage him in stepping into his greatness because the woman he is with is a “dream-crusher” and is slowly killing his spirit.

So while I do love him AND would love to have him as more than a friend, Love won’t let me remove myself from his life just because I can’t have him the way I want him. Love won’t let me have “ulterior motives” and the intent to seduce or entice him because the man who is ready for a woman like me will choose me and will not need to be convinced!

So the is real love and its not easy but it is awesome. I just wonder how many people really love their honey. And how many are really using their significant other to get what they want in life?

There was a discussion on twitter and on a blog I read about “Winter Boo” loosely defined as a person you hook up with from around thanksgiving until just before valentines day. The topic disturbed me because it is an example of how we intentionally use and abuse people for our own selfish desires.

To start a relationship with someone knowing from jump that you plan to cut them loose. Soon thereafter lacks honor, consideration, & integrity, unfortunately this is what people seem to be up to

As part of the evenings entertainment we had a lively and very engaging discussion on relationships facilitated by Stacie Myers of Pleasure Principles during the Secret Santa Sale & Holiday Party presented by Holistic Health Awareness Center , Diva Dance & Friends. What I really saw was that we need a new model for relationships.

What’s so awesome about this new model is it reflects a new trend in the world of designing your life vs. following a pre-set path!  Your first priority is to be a HUMAN BEING and the relationship is there to support you in fulfilling upon your PASSION!  How fabulous!

This will be broken down more in my upcoming book on creating and maintaining phenomenal relationships!

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What are You up to?

I am up to creating a phenomenal life and making a difference in the world!  Everything I do is about realizing my end game, a life that I love to life everyday.  The fun is in the journey and this journey is truly a trip!

Living into such an inspiring future can be a bit over-whelming, my blog chronicles the journey with all its twists, turns, valleys and peaks and the rest of my website serves a a resource for anyone interested in joining me as a client, partner, or friend!  Visit my site often to get updates on what’s new!

END GAME

Romance: I have a Loving, Exciting, Supportive, Passionate, Sexy, Satisfying, Romantic Marriage with a Tall, Handsome, Interesting, Spiritual, Wealthy, Community Minded, Ambitious, Accomplished Man!

Career:  I have a prosperous, profitable company that is empowering women financially, emotionally, physically, and bringing balance to the world with femininity.

I am an award-winning author, motivational speaker, and life-coaching helping men and women live lives that inspire and fulfill them.

Family: I have 2 Biological children (1 Boy & 1 Girl) and 2 – 5 adopted children who are loved, well-behaved, smart, successful, HAPPY, respectful, spiritual, passionate, and UNSTOPPABLE!

Community: I have an Effective Community Organization that is postively transforming the psyche of the Black Community through education and empowerment.

Life, Health & Well-Being: I live a long-life, with great health, awesome friends, peace of mind, love, strength (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), beauty (Internal & external), fitness, grace, humility, confidence, prosperty, adventure, and PASSION!

If you want to create an End Game that not only inspires you, but helps guide your daily decisions to create a live that you love, consider becoming one of my coaching clients.  I am taking on 3 New Coaching Clients for January 2010 FREE OF CHARGE, if you want to be one of the lucky ones, contact me ASAP!

12/3/09

Or rather lack thereof.  Right now I have decided I am in the Twilight Zone.  The life and the world I am in is not real.  It can’t be.  None of this makes any sense and therefore I must be dreaming.  I am just waiting for the day I wake up.  My latest conversation with a potential partner brought to light what could be the problem.

TRUST!!

There is no trust in the world for most people when it comes to business and I simply don’t operate in that paradigm.  I am not instantly suspicious nor do I assume you are “out to get me.”  So when I approach a potential business partner  I don’t start off in the negative (On the other hand, I do need to trust my gut and cut people loose if they start acting crazy instead of “trying to work things out.”  ).  On the other hand, it seems most people are coming from a space of distrust.  Their conversation is coming from a place of what are you after or what is your “angle” how are you trying to “get me” or “get over on me.”

12/7/09

What is funny is that while I will approach a business relationship with openess and trust I am the exact opposite when it comes to dating.  I am not as extreme to think that men are out to get me, but I see dating as the time to determine if they are a person who I will trust enough to be intimate with (as well as to see if we have anything in common).   Unless I get an initial red flag when we meet I will trust you enough to give you a chance, also known as the opportunity to go on a date with me.

When I look at what is going on around me, people met online at a club or in the street and fall into these insta-relationships.  They claim “I’m in love,” start having sex and “being together” with people they just met, yet these same people WILL NOT DO BUSINESS WITH OTHERS!  This totally supports my Twilight Zone theory.   I will quickly jump into a business relationship because I figure the most we could lose is some money, but I take my time with dating because the worst thing that could happen is that I could have my heart-broken, catch a disease, or end up dead (inviting a psycho to your home is not a good look). I am doing the opposite of the majority of my community, thus why I am soooo frustrated!

I got this insight over this weekend as I was in the Tantra Nova Divine Feminine Workshop.  The faciliator Dr. Elsbeth Mueth pointed out that when it comes to relationships (non-business) I don’t trust!  I had started this post before attending the workshop and when she said that I had an AHA moment.  This was a HUGE Breakthrough for me.

I am going to start approaching business relationships like I approach dating.  I have been very successful at avoiding betrayal and heartache b/c of my approach to dating.  The good thing is that all of my boyfriends have been great , the bad thing is that there have not been than many of them   In reality I would prefer to have had a few business partnerships that were awesome vs  all of the foolishness I have experienced.

As for dating, I’m not really looking to make a major change.  Entering into personal/intimate relationships without a proper foundation is foolhardy.  When people don’t take the time to date/court and establish a basis of trust you get the kind of scenarios people write about on Twitter and Facebook all the time.  Out of not really trusting, yet being in a “relationship” people do things like go through their phone, check their email, and test them on sites like Facebook to see if they are “cheating.”  I see crazy questions on Twitter and Facebook all day like “If you looked in your man’s phone and saw naked pictures of other women and kinky text messages, do you say anything or do you remain silent because you shouldn’t have been in their phone anyway?”

With the few relationships I have had, there has been trust for me, such that even though I have had the pleasure of dating attractive men, I have never walked around fearful that they were cheating on me.  In the instances that I was afraid that they were cheating, I took action to nip it in the bud (turns out it was my own unresolved trust issues with my Dad from childhood vs them really being cheaters, but that’s another post topic).    I have no regrets about that, I just want to know where I can meet some more phenomenal men like my ex’s!

So thank you universe for having me learn this lesson this weekend.  To think, in my depression, I almost didn’t go because I just wanted to  stay home and mope.  So in applying this lesson to businesses, I see some immediate changes that need to be made, it will take longer to get things done, but until there is a shift in my people’s approach business, I have to accept how things are and spend more time “courting” potential partners so that we can establish a trust-based relationship.  I have to be willing to cut people loose when then don’t deliver and have faith that someone else will be sent along to replace them.