May 29

Unconditional Love – Part 1

So I’m back on the market, kinda.  Last year I was clear, that THIS YEAR I am becoming a mother.  I began looking at Pathways to Parenthood, and sharing my goal with people in my inner-circle.  This choice is COMPLETELY different than the goal of finding a satisfying loving relationship which would lead to a legal life partnership(ie marriage).  

Enter dude.

He became aware of my  parental goal, called me up and requested to be considered for the role of co-parent/baby daddy.  He ALSO has a strong desire to be a parent, and so far, finding the women he wants to marry has been a no-go.  At 40, we’re both aware time is ticking, and so we began the discussion.  So I have to share that, he is my ex.  

Yeah I know.

We first dated about 3 years ago.  We met online and shortly into it, I had a HUGE life event.  My sister/business-partner passed and needless to say it impacted my ability to truly date, build a relationship, and function in life in general (but that’s another story about emotional healing).  To give him credit, he really stepped up and was a blessing to me and my family during that time.  However, not going into ALL of the story, the relationship end and since then we’ve developed a friendship.  

When he called I was a little surprised, but to be honest he was on a short-list of potential candidates.  In creating a Pathway to Parenthood I was looking at a couple options (as it relates to having a biological child).  I could get donor sperm and truly do it solo, OR I could co-parent.  Co-parenting (as distinct from being a single-parent) is a desirable setup.  Having an active father is ideal IMO, but the solo-parent model with a strong village is also viable (Either way, my village will be part of the equation).

We started the conversation of what it would look like to CHOOSE to tie oneself to another with a child, but NOT romantically.  He shared that he couldn’t think of any other woman he knows who he would trust to have and raise his child in partnership with other than me.  I felt very flattered.  Here is a man who I KNOW takes being a father very seriously and actually WANTS me to have the honor of carrying his child and trusts me.

As the discussion continued he shared that his concern is that couldn’t see NOT falling in love with the woman carrying his child.  As I look back, I think this is where things started to get murky.  There is a  distinction between deeply loving someone and being ‘in-love” with someone.  Having deep love for the father/mother of your child makes sense.  Being “in-love” with someone is a different type of love.  It’s romantic love. Romantic love is VERY CONDITIONAL.

More to come…

#pathwaytoparenthood #virtuousvixen #dynamicdiva #gracefulgoddess #divamakeover

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