Jan 01

F*cked Up Values

The Issue

Unfortunately in our society we truly have a misaligned value system. As relates to Men, we told them their biggest contribution to relationships (hetero-normative) are financial and physical. Whether that physical means protecting women physically or providing sexual pleasure. There’s very little conversation for men and boys about the value of emotional contribution inside of relationships.

There was a post about the differences in how men and women tend to see friendships. In summary, it spoke to how for many men the ONE place they allow themselves to be emotional is in their primary love relationship. For women, we tend to form emotional connections with our girlfriends as well as platonic male friends.

Men, a lot of times don’t have a lot of practice in being an emotional support. They need it, and it’s one of the things they crave inside of deep relationships with women; unfortunately they often don’t know how to give it. That leaves women inside of their primary love relationships with an emotional void.

The acceptance of this (men as not emotionally supportive) had women very often being raised then to get value from men out of their financial and physical contribution. Financial specifically about whether or not he can provide for her, and physical not so much in sex (because for sex to be really good A lot of times you need the emotional connection) but physical in a sense of can he protect her from danger. She then found her emotional support in her other relationships, particularly family and friends.

In present times, as women no longer need men to protect them physically, or to provide for them financially, it makes it harder for her to find a benefit/satisfaction/fulfillment in a relationship with a man. She’s looking for a good friendship, and a good friendship includes emotional support. At the same time (as we see in  many posts on gold digging) men are tired of being valued for their financial contribution. Many men want the relationship to be based on the physical benefit aspect, specifically sex. However, sex without emotion typically isn’t that satisfying, unless he happens to be very skilled in understanding the erogenous zones on women’s bodies. Most men haven’t done that level of study as it relates to sexually pleasing the woman. So we’re left with a breakdown in male/female relations.

The solution? 

We need men to open themselves up to learning how to be more emotionally supportive and contributed two women. The other side is for them to embrace being a contribution financially and stop complaining about that.


Thisis why I am very often in single. I’m not a gold digger nor a hoe. So if a man cannot provide me with emotional support and/or he is not fine with the bomb physical skill in the sexual Arena, what is his point? This is why I am looking into a sperm donor. At this point in my life, as I would love to start a family, a man could provide me with genetic material, and co-parenting support. If I found a man whose value system aligned with mine around raising children, and who was ready to do his share in terms of raising a child financially, emotionally, and physically I could totally be down with a co-parenting situation. But finding a qualified co-parent is just as challenging is finding a good life partner. I haven’t encountered a lot of men who are ready to take on fatherhood without also wanting a wife. The problem is that they’re still not clear on how to be a good husband.



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