Dec 21

Tennis Anyone?

In mixed doubles the teams are comprised of one man and one woman and BOTH have to be strong players to win the championship.

In a team sport, its not about you

Now I’m not a great tennis player, but I do understand the game.  I’ve been looking for a way to communicate my relationship model with a metaphor that would resonate with women AND men.  For the man piece I thought about sports, but so many sports require a huge team but mixed doubles in tennis is PERFECT!!!

So Tennis, like life can be played alone or as part of a team.  In singles you can reach the pinnacle of success and do quite well for yourself yes? Think Serena or Venus Williams, Andre Aggasi, Stephi Graf (yep showing my age).  At the same time you can also play DOUBLES and expand your capacity to win to another realm! Think  Serena AND Venus Williams or Leander Paes AND Cara Black   The key is finding a doubles partner that complements you.  You want a strong partner who can hold their weight so you don’t have to try to cover the entire court on your own.

The thing is if you spent most of your life playing as a single, it takes something to learn how to share the court AND to TRUST that your partner will be able to handle anything that comes their way.  If you’re playing to win at doubles you want to select your partner carefully.  You have to look past their outfit, choice of  racquet,  and really look at their ability to play the sport!  Investigate their win/loss record!  The top singles player MAY NOT be the best doubles partner!  Some people simply don’t know how to play well with others or share the court.  They may be destined to only play singles.  Some doubles have one strong player and one weak player or one player who “dominates” and they may do well. . . until they come up against a balanced team who will be able to exploit their weaknesses!

Tennis mixed doubles support

Be each other's champion!

In life you can go it alone and do fine, but if you’re intending on playing the game of being in a couple there are different rules.  Choose a partner whose skill level AND commitment to the game/life matches your own.  Take your time in selecting a partner.  Play a few matches with/date them  so you can check out their style, see if they are a team player/supportive or a court hog/selfish, and see if you click/have chemistry.  Don’t just pick the player with the best shoes/hottest body, most expensive racquet/money, cutest outfit/expensive car, make sure they share the court/know how to give and take and let you participate in the game / have your time to shine, and that they can handle their responsibilities in the match/contribute to the household/relationship.  You don’t want a partner you always have to carry/take care of, you’ll never win the championship/live a fulfilled life that way.

Yes there will be times when they are off their game/down on their luck/in a slump and you may have to step up to compensate, but that should be the exception not the rule.

Know this, what will truly make you a winning doubles team is to find a good partner and a good coach/God to assist you in improving your skills.  With a good coach/God helping you work the kinks out, you will improve as a team and start to win!  A team can’t really coach themselves because they can’t see themselves playing!  They are in the game!  The coach/God sees the big picture and tell each player individually what they need to work on AND as a team.  Get a coach for LIFE and your relationship!

What I REALLY like about this analogy is that in mixed doubles the teams are comprised of one man and one woman and BOTH have to be strong players to win the championship.  All this talk of whose “in charge” is moot because they are BOTH in the game and on the court and expected to perform their roles according to their individual strengths (not gender specific).

 I have a married couple friend who took up tennis as a way to spend more time together AND get some exercise.  The husband didn’t know how to play and the wife used to be pretty good in her younger days.  LOL at the beginning things were a bit rocky.  They are both very competitive and his ego was getting bruised because

a) his tennis skills were not the best

b) his wife was better than him

c) they were losing

She was getting frustrated because

a) they were losing

b) he was trying to “dominate”  rather than let her  shine while he learned the game

Luckily they are more committed to each other, open to coaching, and have great friends who are champions for their marriage (like me)!  After the first season, rather than give up, they got individual coaching, he started playing on his own to improve his skills,  they also got coaching as a team and now a couple years later,  he is a beast and they are killing it in their league!

No top or bottom, just balance

So my luvs, a truly strong and confident man wants and looks for a strong and confident woman to be on his team. He knows that TOGETHER they will run things and will not be fighting with her about who is “on top” b/c like my favorite ying yang symbol they are a perfect balance of Fire and Water and like the circle have no top or bottom! They submit to one another depending on what is appropriate for the situation facing their team.

In sports sometimes you’re on defense and sometimes on offense and different players have different strengths but they are ALWAYS on the same TEAM working towards a TEAM WIN!! The COACH should be God/Creator/Universe/Allah and all team-members should play their role.

In reality when a strong confident powerful FEMININE women meets her complement she knows it and is excited b/c she has finally found a man she can “submit” to with confidence who will know when its time to let her lead b/c he knows and sees and values her light and isn’t afraid to let it shine!

Ladies we’re taking on how to balance our strength with femininity in The Diva Makeover and I invite you to join me! Fellas, start looking beyond the pretty faces and sexy bodies, stop rushing to get to the sex and take the time to see if the woman knows how to be strong AND feminine, its worth the wait.

Read More at VirtuousVixen.com

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